[Lynn Martin]

Thanks for pointing this out, Chadwick. No, that has nothing to do with your location–I’m not sure exactly why it doesn’t work, but it’s not working for anyone else either. We’re hoping to get that fixed eventually.

[Lynn Martin]

I like it, Lance. I think its style makes it a great fit for this sort of thing. What it does, it does well, to my ear. The only thing that feels funny is the variations in the length of the first phrase. Of course, that can’t be helped entirely. However, I think that the beginnings of the third and fourth stanzas could be fit in the same exact music as the beginning of the second, just making the words divide at different places on each verse. That would probably be easier to sing. I can’t think of a good solution for making the first stanza fit with them, though.

This may be my preference. But I would at least change the beginning of stanza 3, since the notes are actually falling on different beats in some cases, which I think may be confusing to singers and hearers.

[Lynn Martin]

I like the form, and could wish the first and last lines of stanzas rhymed better. But if used for a song, that probably makes less of a problem than if this is just a standalone poem.

The final line of the third stanza feels a bit tacked on. The “all is glory!” exclamation may or may not work out well in a strophic hymn composition. Otherwise, I think this works quite well.

[Lynn Martin]

There’s MuseScore, which is open source, so it’s completely free. I know people who use it and find it adequate. I used it for one song and couldn’t figure out all the options, but then I didn’t spend a ton of time on it since I already have Sibelius.

[Lynn Martin]

I like this overall. The thing that bothers me somewhat is the similarity between the second and third lines. They’re only slightly different, so it doesn’t feel like the tune is building in a direction until we get to the final line.

[Lynn Martin]

Very nice! The only thing I can think of is that the variation in timing might be hard for people to remember.

[Lynn Martin]

I like the tune, but don’t know what to say about it, as I’m not familiar with how to treat Neapolitan chords. However, I would suggest rhyming the last stanza, because I miss the rhyme there.

The text doesn’t claim to be special, which is good; it fills its intent of didacticism, but isn’t highly poetic.

[Lynn Martin]

Oops, forgot to reply earlier. I think “severe mercy” can work, and I can’t think of anything better.

I forget how one talks about chord progressions in minor, but some form of ii-iii-vi is fairly typical, if you know what I mean. You might not be able to do that here without changing the melody, but the biggest thing that I found unsettling was the next-to-last chord, which I think would be better as ii.

[Lynn Martin]

I really like this, Sherri! It has depth and sings well, two things that don’t always go together. You stuck pretty carefully to the meter, so I doubt you’ll have a problem using another tune with this song, though I think Mendon works with it well.

The last line of the second stanza is a bit wooden in both phrasing and meaning. It’s not bad at all, but doesn’t quite match the quality of the rest of this piece.

The third stanza is a little ambiguous in places. We read that “love never fails,” so when you say that “love betrays her gracious trust,” I assume you mean that those who love can betray. Might it be clearer to say, “When loves betray a former trust” or “When those I love betray my trust” or something of the sort? Not sure. I don’t think this is a problem, but it bothers me slightly.

“Gone is the gold”–how about “Gone is my gold”? I recognize that this stanza is speaking in the abstract, and I’m trying to make it more specific. But I think specificity is usually stronger.

These are just minor picks. I really love this text.

[Lynn Martin]

I think this text and tune are sound, and I enjoyed singing it. The melody carries the text well and is memorable.

I could wish for a bit more bass movement in measures 2 and 7. Also, the harmony in measure 9 feels a bit drab; I’d suggest more traditional harmonic progression there, but it could be just me.

I agree with Rachel, and suggest that you switch the archaic pronouns to “you” instead. I think that will flow well.

I’d also suggest changing “severe mercy” because “mercy” doesn’t fit with the meter.

[Lynn Martin]

Testing out functionality
and seeing

if this works
or if it doesn’t

[Lynn Martin]

I like how this one asks questions like we find in Job. Overall, I think this will be very singable. However, the meter really does need to be more regular, if you’re going to find a tune for it.

The first stanza should be fine. The second stanza’s first line ends with an extra syllable–I would change “nothingness” to “nothing.” Also, its third line is shorter than the first stanza’s third line. The fourth stanza also has a shorter third line. If those were fixed, then a tune could be found or written for it.

Also, consider that the chorus will be repeated oftener than the verses, so it should be especially well-written and should stay on the theme. How does “I Am” and “Living Word” relate to his power in creation? It does, but the chorus doesn’t make it clear. Also, Almighty is a title, not a name. That maybe shouldn’t bother me, but it does a bit.

Just some thoughts.

[Lynn Martin]

Rachel, I really like the depth of expression that I see here. It’s a very meditative piece and speaks to some of the timeless human questions.

That being said, I agree with James that there’s a lot of material here for a song. Consider that people will be singing it, so some of their attention will go to the music. And also, when singing, you can’t turn back and reread something, since the song goes on. So you need to write texts that, even if they are profound, can be grasped fairly well on one read through. That requires simpler phrasing and not as many uncommon words.

[Lynn Martin]

I like this too. However, the last note of measure 2 and 6 feel like they want to move now, to parallel the movement in the previous measure.

[Lynn Martin]

I think that improves it a bit. It’s not as wooden as your former stanza 2. The third line is obviously written the way it is so it can rhyme, though. Typically, you want your rhyming words to seem like the obvious choice to end the line, rather than an unlikely word to use. So I’d suggest changing it a bit.

[Author]

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