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Discussion
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Replies
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I don’t know that I have the expertise to critique this, but my main thoughts are that the melody sounds good and hangs together, but that the harmony sounds a bit muddy in a few places. As in, dissonant without an obvious purpose. That may just be my perception.
In an earlier conversation about this, Wendell Glick had said, “The harmony in this song comes across as a bit of a walk through the last century; ergo, the harmony feels internally incongruent in a few places (mostly the sharped re chords).”
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Thanks for the feedback, Lynn! Yes, the sharped re chords do give it a somewhat dated sound. I kind of like them though… 🙂 I’m not sure why, but I like the combination of them with the first measure’s falling alto line (and coincidentally that falling line is repeated in the bass in the very next measure).
Perhaps those chords don’t cohere well with the somewhat bland cadence at measure four? I feel like those chords (and that falling line) are a significant anchor point and would rather alter something else to make it more coherent. But I do trust Wendell’s instincts more than my own! I’d be happy for any more feedback on this aspect. I know it’s something I struggle with in my work–I’ve a myriad of incongruent influences that seem to randomly pop up in the same pieces.
The recording here is a bit choppy–I’m not sure why a few of the notes decided not to sound when rendering the mp3 in my DAW… I wonder if that isn’t making the harmony sound a little extra abrupt and muddy?
Thanks again, and any further suggestions are welcome!
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Thanks Rachel! Writing texts is pretty new for me.
The line referred to is based on Hebrews 2:15 which tells us Jesus came to “free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” I’m sure there’s a more elegant way to say it than I have it here, but I haven’t thought of one yet. 🙂
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Here is a drastic new draft. Do you feel like this an improvement?
It’s a lot busier, but less dissonant. I kind of like it. I think.
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Thanks Lynn, I thought about that as well. One concern I have is that paralleling the rhythm in those measures could make it more “boxy”, or too predictable. But then, in a piece this short, consistency should probably be a higher priority than variety. Hmmm… I’ll muddle on this one a bit more.
Just noticed a sneaky parallel octave in measure four too…
I’ll probably do another round of editing on this one, although I think it’s getting pretty close to it’s final form.
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