[Richard Stoltzfoos]

The song feels hard to sing, but I like the concept of using monophony to lead into it. I’m not sure what makes it hard to sing, but I think the harmonic rhythm and timing don’t feel intuitive.

‘Hosannah’ is typically spelled with two n‘s.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Overall, nice work. You have a fine skill at avoiding parallel intervals by inverting chords. ‘Corinthians’ is misspelled in the subtitle.

All following comments come from a bass’s perspective.

Basses will appreciate a slightly lower tessitura throughout this piece. Here are four places that could be modified to suit that goal:

1. In the second measure, it will be much easier for the bass to drop to the la instead of jumping up the sixth. From there, bass can sit on the so until measure 4.

2. At the end of measure 14, bass again leaps up a sixth. I would recommend that bass instead drop to the re.

3. In measures 7 and 8, take the so down an octave. Many basses will drop the octave anyway in congregational singing. (Flat A’s are just uncomfortable to sing for more than a measure.) Lead into that octave with a passing la in measure 6.

4. In measure 15, try taking the second so down an octave. That will really make the basses feel courageous as they cruise in from the higher notes.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Hi Benjamin,

On the matter of harmony changing once or twice a measure, I don’t intend any prohibitions on switching between five and one chords. Harmonic rhythm, or harmonic tempo, is the rate at which chords change in a musical composition. Harmonic rhythm can be slow or fast. For example, “Eternal Father, When to Thee” has a fast harmonic rhythm; the chord changes every quarter note. “Holy God, We Praise Thy Name” has a slower harmonic rhythm; for the most part, the chord changes every measure. It’s not that one song is slower than the other; but they have a different rate of change.

In the “The Way of Peace,” does the harmony change every quarter note? every half note? If I were you, I’d consider reworking this piece just to establish some large-scale patterns in the piece. Your first two-measure phrase has a fine progression of 1 (with a fluctuation to 5) to 4, then a cadential 6/4 to 5 in the second measure. In the third measure, I am surprised by a sudden 6-4-1-4-1 progression. I would consider making the second phrase a little more like the first phrase. In the first two measures, the felt harmony changes once per measure; in the second two measures, it changes almost every quarter note. In measures 9-11, the song changes back to a very slow harmonic rhythm, which is sure to discombobulate a lot of singers. There are ways to set patterns of fast and slow, so I would suggest reworking the harmonies until it feels exceedingly natural to sing.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Nice choice of text, Ben.

There are two things I notice initially.

One, you might determine how you want your 6/4 meter to be divided. 6/4 is a sort of ambiguous meter; it can be felt as being in 2, or in 3. Some of the measures in this piece have 3 half notes, meaning they feel like they’re in 3. Other measures, the last three measures for example, are best felt in 2. It’s ok to have some syncopation, but on the whole I think you should determine whether to divide the measures in two or in three, and then stick with that for the whole piece. 2 is the best choice, I think, for this piece, but I’ll let you make that call.

Two, you might think about your harmonic rhythm – that is, how often your harmony is changing. Try to make the harmony change only once a measure or twice a measure. However often you change it, the important thing is to establish a pattern.

I like your idea! I’d be curious what others have to say.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

The second system with its eight bars seems like it could be cut down to a six that fits with the rest of the piece, without much effort.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Perhaps you mentioned those open fifths before, Vincent. I didn’t see them at the time. I added a sol in the tenor to address the first instance; I feel the second instance, however, is best interpreted as a 4-3 suspension rather than as an inverted open fifth.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

As to whether they should be used, probably not. Open fifths are associated with a loud, primitive sound that is very clear, satisfying to shout, and hard to tune. I don’t think that fits a sunset well, although I’ve been mistaken about this kind of thing before.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Sure, Evan. A standard chord has three notes: a root, a third, and a fifth. Some solfege examples are do-mi-so, or so-ti-re.

A chord that is missing a third, having a root and a fifth, is called an open fifth. An example of an open fifth is a chord with do and so, with no mi.

If you are writing in standard counterpoint (which is recommended), every chord in your piece should have a third (with a few exceptions), but the fifth is optional. There are several passing chords in your piece that are half diminished sevenths, ti-re-fa-la, that have no re. I’m not sure if these are the open fifths Lynn means. The penultimate measure has an open fifth that could be very pleasant if changed to a suspension, te-la in half notes, instead of do-ti-la.

Thanks for sharing your composition!

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Have you tried using it in a reading of Psalm 136?

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Thank you all for your astute notes. I don’t know when, but sometime I will get around to another edit of this.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

A work this long must have taken some time. Kudos. It’s on the long side for a hymn, but could work for an extended choral piece. Your best quatrains are the fifth and the last.

A few notes of critique.

• There is some rhythmic irregularity. Much of this could be corrected by modernizing the language. I am not a supporter of modernization, I simply suggest that one be wary of using KJV English in one’s poetry. Much good poetry has been written in this style, but using thee, thou, -eth, clod, dome, ken, trod, or aye in current poetry leads to awkward constructions, especially since that is not the way you typically speak. Eliminating these constructions will clean up multiple places.
• Avoid forced rhymes – any words that don’t serve the meaning of the poem.
• The line about the Devil seeking souls, not that which is of the dirt, is unclear. Doesn’t Satan wish to defile all of God’s creation, including material things like trees, gardens, and our bodies?

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Of course. I’ve sent it to your email, since I haven’t been able to post it here.

[Richard Stoltzfoos]

Speaking as a singer, I find this piece difficult. The chord changes aren’t intuitive for congregational singing, although I’d be game to learn.

Speaking as a listener, I like the piece; it’s very harmonically interesting. I agree with Lynn’s implication that a stronger melody could help the piece.

[Author]

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