[Benjamin Burkholder]

Yes, I think I will probably use Psalm 136 with it.

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Thank you both for the comments! Those were some of the things that I was uncertain about, so it is good to hear.

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Hi Ryan, I really like this!

A couple things that I thought of:

I believe the only parallel fifths and eights are in two places. The first one is in measure 1 on the words “I am” between alto and bass. the second one is in measures 10 and 11 on the words “of life” between alto, tenor and bass. These don’t bother me on the recording, but I don’t think it be very hard to avoid this if you want to.

I would probably bring tenor down to the do on measure 2, beat 4 to avoid doubling the third of the chord. There is a similar occurrence in measure 12 on the word “the”.

I would also try to make the first “I am the Light” the same as the last one in measures 11 and 12 for consistency sake.

Nice work! it has a really nice flow to it.

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Thanks Lyndon! I will check this out!

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Hi Richard, this is really nice! I like the way the quarter note motion keeps the music moving. and the quarter note rests are just a great way to give the music a little break from the constant motion. one thing that I thought of with this is that the whole note in m. 7 feels like it looses the momentum that the quarter notes give it. I would suggest keeping the movement going through that measure. this could be done by keeping the soprano moving, like you have on “ages” in m. 3 or something else like that. This could also apply to measure 12 on “and” although this did not seem as much of a problem.

Also, the way that you have it set up, you have 3 phrases that are 4 measures long. But then the fourth phrase, “and our eternal home” is just 3 measures long. it think it would help the flow if you were able to structure this phrase as you did the first 3 with 4 measures.

Great work! the music fits the text nicely and brings fresh meaning to it.

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Yes, good point! I actually missed the fact that it was in a church mode, so I was simply thinking in terms of it being in D-flat major/b-flat minor. so the V chord would be A-flat. however, I just realized that when i was playing it on the piano before, I was adding the third in the final chord of the second line. I actually like what you have written better than what I suggested. so the same would go for what I said about the final chord. however, putting in D-flat would mess up your church mode. Honestly, listening to the recording again, I realize that most of the harmonies play out better than I thought. so, basically after revisiting it, I have only a couple suggestions.

1. check out the harmonies on “eve” in the first line, and “hallowed” in the second line, and “and” in the second measure of the third line.

2. see if there is a way that you can make the final chord more final. maybe even putting soprano on the fifth of the chord instead of the root… I have not worked with Phrygian, and maybe that is just the way it is supposed to sound.

anyway, sorry for the confusion! hopefully this is clarifying. take it all with a grain of salt, the piece continues to grow on me.

[Benjamin Burkholder]

I really like this piece, and I think the mood of the music fits the text well. There are a couple of places that I noticed some harmony things, like in the last two measures of the second line. the passing notes in alto and bass create a dissonance that felt a little out of place to my ear. (I also felt a bit the same about the first chord in m. 2 on “eve”.) and in the last measure of the second line, my ear wants to hear a V chord. In the second measure of the third line, I would personally give altos a mi instead of the fa on the word “and”. on the last line, i was unsure of the ii chord in the second measure of the last line on the word “the”. then the final major chord makes me want to repeat that last two lines, (which would be amazing) but it doesn’t feel super final. maybe just putting a I chord in would be helpful.

Good work, though. I really like the way this piece plays. and the climax in the third line is so beautiful!

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Hi Lyndon,

Great work! I love the mood of this piece, and the moment on the downbeat of m. 10 just kind of melts my heart.

I dont have much to say, but the first line took me a little bit to get used to. something about the rhythm on “the glorious names” felt a little strange to me. as I got more familiar with it, it kept feeling better. I wonder if will be fixed when it is sung, because I get a little confused about where the strong beat is. with the half note followed by the dotted-half, my ear has some trouble knowing what to do with the three quarter notes. when i conducted it and sang it in my head it felt a lot better though. one thing that you could consider here is to change the first downbeat to a half-note as well as the first quarter note. this could help to even out the rhythm and establish a sense of the meter more smoothly, but could also make it more boring. another thing that I thought of was the jump from four parts to unison feels just a bit of a let-down to me. I don’t know how it would sound if you would start the song in unison to avoid that… the second time did not bother me as much. I did not try any of these ideas out myself, so take them or leave them. I think this is a really great hymn. Good work, Lyndon!

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Thanks for the feedback! I will look the suggestions here. One thing that I am thinking about with this that it has already been sung as a choral piece, and I am not sure if changing the voice leading will throw people off. thoughts on this?

[Benjamin Burkholder]

Yes, I agree with Lyndon. This is a very nice melody and the open 4ths and 5ths throughout fit the mood well! I think the main thing that bothered me in 11, 12 was the downbeat of 12. Maybe consider keeping the bass on the do and moving tenor up the the mi on beat 1… I also felt like the music lost some momentum in m. 5 with the dotted-half note. I will attach an image of a possible change.

I wasn’t sure what I thought about the voice overlap in m. 10 between tenor and bass and 15, between alto and soprano. But I don’t think about the one in 15 as much, and I kind of like how it feels in 10, so don’t take that too seriously. Solid work here, Lynn. I don’t feel super qualified to be doing this, so take it all with a grain of salt. thanks for sharing this!

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