[James Troyer]

In the evening I will sing His glory;

When the daily task is done,

And the disappearing sun

Signs, and seals in gold, the past day’s story.

/

I will sing His glory from the shadows;

Earth grows old, and disappears,

Weary, scarred, and bathed in tears;

Even pain and toil, His glory hallows.

/

Still my soul will sing, while life lies sleeping;

Resting in love infinite,

Known by Him who is the Light;

Held, through starless midnight, in His keeping.

/

I will sing His glory through the waiting;

As our dark orb slips through time

Toward a rendezvous sublime,

Toward the greater glory of day’s breaking.

JT

[James Troyer]

Following is a modified version of the poem. It calls for slow, deep reading. I aimed for improvement in flow of time, rhyme, and meaning.

[James Troyer]

Thank you, Michelle.

You raise some good questions. As I said, I wrote this years ago; I think my thought at that time was progression, night getting darker, until the eventual morning when we will bear His likeness. However, I think it might have been one of those poems where the “poem” was basically the first stanza, and everything thereafter was mostly filler material.

I will try to post a revised version within the next few days.

James

[James Troyer]

An old piece of mine. Hymn material? Thoughts or input welcome, as well as music suggestions.

[James Troyer]

I am not familiar with the tune that you refer to, so I most likely cannot accurately critique your poem. But as I read it, I have a few thoughts I will pass on.

The meter… A theme has to be very clearly and compellingly developed to really hold the attention of most hymn singers through 14 syllables in a single line. Even pentameter, which is my personal preference for writing, is long for singing.

The theme… the darkness, despair, turmoil, meaninglessness… that results from a rejection of truth, is a powerful theme. It is suited to a long and ponderous meter, yet to be singable has to be kept free flowing and alive. I love writing (or trying to write) about these deep questions; I am not the poet for writing about sad goodbyes and blue skies and flowers in springtime. But the difficult trick is to capture these deep themes in easy words.

I would probably continue to refine with a view toward eliminating more of the trite expressions (alas, anon, vertigo, woe betide, yes, lone) and redundancies (lone, alone, hopeless, without, friendless, no one). And possibly consider changing the metrical arrangement, unless of course you want it to simply live as a poem instead of a song.

There’s plenty of good material here; the key is going to be the polishing.

[James Troyer]

That said, I also wanted to say that I appreciate this poem for its brevity and clarity. Cluttered, redundant, wordy verse is hard to sing; also big, difficult words don’t work well for singing.

[James Troyer]

Suggestion on this line: Let me count earth’s gain only vanity; Change to: Let me count earth’s glory but vanity;

[James Troyer]

Thank you both Lynn and Rachel for your thoughts.

[James Troyer]

Input welcome, critiques on the poem or suggestions for appropriate music.

[James Troyer]

A few typos… “I see Him hand…” “anguised” “finised”.

Thanks,

James

[Author]

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