You really have done some work! It looks a lot better with some of those unresolved inversions cleaned up.
Here are a few things I noticed.
1. P5 in m.5-6 between bass and tenor. You could keep tenor on la since it passes through it fairly quickly.
2. M.7 feels a little confused because you go tonic, dominant, subdominant, then back to dominant. I would keep it in tonic until the second syllable of Creator.
3. Another P5 between bass and tenor at m.8-9 (the beginning of the refrain). You might consider making the first note of the refrain a unison on So (to match the beginning of the song), then have the first chord of m.9 a root position I chord.
