I like this second version!
The word “reigneth” in the last line caught me by surprise though, as I read down through it, so I went back, looking for other archaic wording. “Ye” is used just a couple places, but those could be switched with relative ease: “Lift your eyes, you prisoners,” and “Give your/all praise to God most high,” would be options. And then “reigneth King” could be traded for “Reigns our King” or something similar. Of course, these are just suggestions. But personally I think if you could bring these few places into more modern wording, you would have a consistent, fresh exuberance throughout this text.
