Glory

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    Discussion
  • #3257

    Rachel Kaufmann
    Participant

    This song was written originally to fit the tune of Good King Wenceslas.

    Any thoughts?

    Glory

    1:On that night so long ago

    Angel choirs were singing.

    Hear the message of God’s love

    That they then were bringing:

    “Glory be to God on high.”

    “Peace, goodwill to all men!”

    Heav’nly glory shone around

    Shepherds heard it then.

    2:Those who long in darkness walked

    See the dawn is breaking.

    Lift your eyes ye prisoners

    Heaven’s armies waking.

    See the King in triumph come,

    Hear the trumpet sounding.

    Lift your voices now and sing.

    Echo hills surrounding!

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  • #3262

    Lynn Martin
    Administrator

    I like this, Rachel. I think it works quite well. However, there are a couple of lines that have rhythm bumpyness:

    “that they then were bringing” sounds a little contrived

    “Shepherds heard it then” doesn’t fit the rhythm of Wenceslas. I suppose you could say something like “Shepherds heard the call then” to rhyme with “all men,” although that could sound a bit odd. Feminine rhymes are just harder to find, especially with the constraint of short lines.

  • #3273

    How does this look for the first problem spot? I’m still working on the second.

    On that night so long ago

    Angel choirs were singing.

    Hear the message of God’s love

    Hear the music ringing:

  • #3277

    How does this look?

    1: On that night so long ago

    Angel choirs were singing.

    Hear the message of God’s love

    Hear the music ringing:

    “Glory be to God on high! “

    Christ, the promised Savior

    Left his throne to came to earth

    Seek him in a manger.

    2:Those who long in darkness walked

    See the dawn is breaking.

    Lift your eyes ye prisoners

    Heaven’s armies waking.

    See the King in triumph come,

    Hear the trumpet sounding.

    Lift your voices now and sing.

    Echo hills surrounding!

    3: Glory be to God on high,

    Honor and dominion!

    Broken is the pow’r of death.

    Satan and his minions.

    Give ye praise to God most high.

    Sing His praises ever.

    He who came to dwell with man

    Reigneth King forever!

  • #3280

    I like this second version!

    The word “reigneth” in the last line caught me by surprise though, as I read down through it, so I went back, looking for other archaic wording. “Ye” is used just a couple places, but those could be switched with relative ease: “Lift your eyes, you prisoners,” and “Give your/all praise to God most high,” would be options. And then “reigneth King” could be traded for “Reigns our King” or something similar. Of course, these are just suggestions. But personally I think if you could bring these few places into more modern wording, you would have a consistent, fresh exuberance throughout this text.

  • #3282

    Thanks! Yes, you have a point there.

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