Reply To: His Name

Home Workshop Forums Poem Critiques, Please His Name Reply To: His Name


Lynn Martin

Some really good elements here, Yolanda! I would agree, though, with your assessment that there are ways it could be strengthened.

I would hope we are not loved by Jesus alone. Perhaps “Redeemed through Jesus’ love, and his alone” or something of the sort, so that it would be clear that his love is not the only love, but the only redeeming love.

The last line of the second stanza feels like it’s mainly there for the rhyme. But I think integrating it into the thought better would solve that. Perhaps

God’s Spirit thunders our adopted name

In oceans, whispers it in dewy pearls.

This is still not satisfactory, of course. But it ties in the final line, giving it a purpose.

The first line of the third stanza is rhythmically a bit difficult to read. When set to a tune, that may take away some of the issues, but it might not. The line has two inverted metrical feet, which in a hymn-type poem is a bit much. How about, “May we who love the truth hold out its grace”? Maybe not. It’s unclear to me why “truth” rather than some other equally important concept, since this poem isn’t specifically about truth.