Menu Close

Reply To: Rejoice

Home Workshop Forums Poem Critiques, Please Rejoice Reply To: Rejoice

#3136

Lynn Martin
Administrator

Very nice, Rachel! I think this is really good. The second quatrain is grammatically a little awkward. I mean the section that goes:

In Him we live and being have

In Him, our all in all.

In Him, our glory and reward.

From Him, life’s bounties fall.

As Yolanda pointed out, the first line sounds a bit awkward. And since the next two lines don’t have verbs, they don’t help us to return to natural grammar, so it feels like a bit of a grammar limbo, even though it’s not wrong grammar. Not a big deal, but wording this stanza in a less awkward way would improve the poem.