Rejoice

  • Creator
    Discussion
  • #3074

    Rachel Kaufmann
    Participant

    Any thoughts on this?

    Rejoice, rejoice the Lord our God

    Reigns over earth and sea.

    His hand upholds the worlds that are

    And all that are to be.

    In Him we live and being have

    In Him, our all in all.

    In Him, our glory and reward.

    From Him, life’s bounties fall.

    Beyond the bourn of time and space,

    Beyond earths fleeting days,

    The just shall find a sure reward

    Where all of life is praise.

    Rejoice, rejoice, let heaven ring

    The triumph song is ours.

    Rejoice rejoice, Oh earth below,

    Pay tribute to His powers.

  • Author
    Replies
  • #3128

    This has a lovely cadence, Rachel, and I like how you circle back to the word “rejoice.”

    In line 5, I’m wondering if you want to have “In Him we life and being have” this would give a compound subject for the verb “have” instead of a compound verb “live and have” with the direct object in front of the second verb. I’m sorry to be all grammatical, but the line just feels awkward. I realize the verse alluded to does use the word “live.” (“In Him, we live and move and have our being.” Both lines could work.

  • #3136

    Lynn Martin
    Administrator

    Very nice, Rachel! I think this is really good. The second quatrain is grammatically a little awkward. I mean the section that goes:

    In Him we live and being have

    In Him, our all in all.

    In Him, our glory and reward.

    From Him, life’s bounties fall.

    As Yolanda pointed out, the first line sounds a bit awkward. And since the next two lines don’t have verbs, they don’t help us to return to natural grammar, so it feels like a bit of a grammar limbo, even though it’s not wrong grammar. Not a big deal, but wording this stanza in a less awkward way would improve the poem.

  • #3144

    Thanks for the input, both of you!

    How would this sound?

    “In Him are life, and being found,

    In Him our all in all.

    In Him our glory and reward.

    From Him life’s bounties fall.”

    Or this?

    “In Him are life, and being found,

    In Him our all in all.

    In Him our glory and reward.

    Ours but to heed His call. ”

    • #3145

      I like this, Rachel. I’d just say remove the comma after “life” in the phrase “In Him are life and being found.” If you wrote this in the non-poetice way, it would be, “Life and being are found in Him,” which shows that “life” and “being” are two halves of a compound subject. :)

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