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Discussion
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Any thoughts on this?
Rejoice, rejoice the Lord our God
Reigns over earth and sea.
His hand upholds the worlds that are
And all that are to be.
In Him we live and being have
In Him, our all in all.
In Him, our glory and reward.
From Him, life’s bounties fall.
Beyond the bourn of time and space,
Beyond earths fleeting days,
The just shall find a sure reward
Where all of life is praise.
Rejoice, rejoice, let heaven ring
The triumph song is ours.
Rejoice rejoice, Oh earth below,
Pay tribute to His powers.
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Replies
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This has a lovely cadence, Rachel, and I like how you circle back to the word “rejoice.”
In line 5, I’m wondering if you want to have “In Him we life and being have” this would give a compound subject for the verb “have” instead of a compound verb “live and have” with the direct object in front of the second verb. I’m sorry to be all grammatical, but the line just feels awkward. I realize the verse alluded to does use the word “live.” (“In Him, we live and move and have our being.” Both lines could work.
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Very nice, Rachel! I think this is really good. The second quatrain is grammatically a little awkward. I mean the section that goes:
In Him we live and being have
In Him, our all in all.
In Him, our glory and reward.
From Him, life’s bounties fall.
As Yolanda pointed out, the first line sounds a bit awkward. And since the next two lines don’t have verbs, they don’t help us to return to natural grammar, so it feels like a bit of a grammar limbo, even though it’s not wrong grammar. Not a big deal, but wording this stanza in a less awkward way would improve the poem.
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Thanks for the input, both of you!
How would this sound?
“In Him are life, and being found,
In Him our all in all.
In Him our glory and reward.
From Him life’s bounties fall.”
Or this?
“In Him are life, and being found,
In Him our all in all.
In Him our glory and reward.
Ours but to heed His call. ”
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