I really like this, Sherri! It has depth and sings well, two things that don’t always go together. You stuck pretty carefully to the meter, so I doubt you’ll have a problem using another tune with this song, though I think Mendon works with it well.
The last line of the second stanza is a bit wooden in both phrasing and meaning. It’s not bad at all, but doesn’t quite match the quality of the rest of this piece.
The third stanza is a little ambiguous in places. We read that “love never fails,” so when you say that “love betrays her gracious trust,” I assume you mean that those who love can betray. Might it be clearer to say, “When loves betray a former trust” or “When those I love betray my trust” or something of the sort? Not sure. I don’t think this is a problem, but it bothers me slightly.
“Gone is the gold”–how about “Gone is my gold”? I recognize that this stanza is speaking in the abstract, and I’m trying to make it more specific. But I think specificity is usually stronger.
These are just minor picks. I really love this text.
