Hey Ben, I have a couple thoughts on this, they are very similar to Richards.
First, the timing.
I would suggest doing it in 4/4 time, like you mentioned. Try starting with 3 quarters as a pickup, and then your first full measure starts with the MI. Then maybe consider changing your half notes to dotted halves (battlefield should begin on the downbeat of the next full measure), the word ‘sin’ would be in a measure by itself, with a quarter rest. Begin the next measure with a quarter rest, and then you have your lead into the next phrase with the three quarters, and continue to follow that format through the piece. It could help to contribute to singability, and landing accents on downbeats. The ending could be adaptable but I suggest beginning with the first 75% of the piece and building from there.
Second, as Richard alluded to, think about structure in the piece. If you take the melody phrase by phrase, are you aiming for A/B/A/C/D/E? There’s a lot of options in this case, and there’s no right or wrong, but common hymn structures could be A/B/C/B (What A Friend We Have In Jesus) or A/A/B/A (Come Thou Fount), and if you look at other common hymns, you can soon pick out a structure. I’d suggest establishing a structure and then matching your harmony in sections where the melody is the same.
Those are a few thoughts… Blessings
