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June 24, 2024 at 3:01 pm
#3558

Sherri Steiner
Member
I like the strength of the repeated ideas here. Also, you have a number of Scripture allusions which is great!
A few problem spots: the rhythm is not an exact rhythm, and stanzas 1 and 2 both seem to be one syllable short in the first line. Also, in stanza 4 there is a split verb phrase at the end of the first line and beginning of the second. Depending on the music it could flow, but if singers take a breath there, I think it would be stronger to rework that somehow.
Love the thought of “a soul ablaze with visions of things as yet unseen.”