I like it, Lance. I think its style makes it a great fit for this sort of thing. What it does, it does well, to my ear. The only thing that feels funny is the variations in the length of the first phrase. Of course, that can’t be helped entirely. However, I think that the beginnings of the third and fourth stanzas could be fit in the same exact music as the beginning of the second, just making the words divide at different places on each verse. That would probably be easier to sing. I can’t think of a good solution for making the first stanza fit with them, though.
This may be my preference. But I would at least change the beginning of stanza 3, since the notes are actually falling on different beats in some cases, which I think may be confusing to singers and hearers.