Rachel, I really like the depth of expression that I see here. It’s a very meditative piece and speaks to some of the timeless human questions.
That being said, I agree with James that there’s a lot of material here for a song. Consider that people will be singing it, so some of their attention will go to the music. And also, when singing, you can’t turn back and reread something, since the song goes on. So you need to write texts that, even if they are profound, can be grasped fairly well on one read through. That requires simpler phrasing and not as many uncommon words.