Hi Richard, this is really nice! I like the way the quarter note motion keeps the music moving. and the quarter note rests are just a great way to give the music a little break from the constant motion. one thing that I thought of with this is that the whole note in m. 7 feels like it looses the momentum that the quarter notes give it. I would suggest keeping the movement going through that measure. this could be done by keeping the soprano moving, like you have on “ages” in m. 3 or something else like that. This could also apply to measure 12 on “and” although this did not seem as much of a problem.
Also, the way that you have it set up, you have 3 phrases that are 4 measures long. But then the fourth phrase, “and our eternal home” is just 3 measures long. it think it would help the flow if you were able to structure this phrase as you did the first 3 with 4 measures.
Great work! the music fits the text nicely and brings fresh meaning to it.